When You Know the Answer

All roads collide into one. The many lives that dwell, live, weave throughout my everyday, well, they have this tendency to merge, they take the same exit all at the same time. Birthdays fall, illness slams, jobs need, husbands travel, children require and I feel helpless to control and I can't help but think it. You think it. You're thinking it right now,
"Why?"
"Why does it all happen at once?"

I embarked on this journey, a journey to be a disciple. Many years I lived my life and didn't think too much about what it meant to be a disciple. I went my merry way. But life has this tendency to get hard, real hard. I was drowning in the dysfunction of trying to function on my merry own. I lifted my head to find I didn't look too much like a disciple of that man, Jesus Christ. So, I took a deep breath and I committed to His way, not mine. Sincerely I asked that He be glorified, not me.

On the phone to the traveling man. He's weary, I'm weary. We chat out our day and the above question comes up, the "Why all at once?" question. I just shake my head. I shake because I know the answer.

It happens all at once because right now I'm drowning in my desire for perfection, but not His perfection, not His glory but my own. If it didn't all happen at once I could take it for myself, I would take it for myself. That's what this human, arrogant nature of mine longs for. It longs to bring glory to itself and God let's all of life collide and the weight is heavy and I sink to my knees begging to trade burdens. The stubborn heart takes too long to succumb to the load. There on my knees I find a lighter load, amazingly I find a peaceful heart.

My arrogant heart is changed. I am made wise to my weakness and wise to His strength. This wisdom changes my whole outlook. This girl remembers the point of being a creation and no longer laments with her "Why" questions.

Absorbing Today

It's a time to be sponge like. Absorb every moment, live wide awake for every event. The brevity of life has been highlighted in vivid hues. Moonlight revealed the gossamer thread. Its frailty is felt to the core. We hold tighter, we hug longer.

Patience is a virtue we love, because by it, we show our love.

As a family we've gone through a wringer, 'oft times one of our own making, and yet by God's grace and clinging to His guidance we each found our way back.

How grateful am I for breadcrumbs always leading back, back to being a family, back to Christ. We've had our moments, moments of stolen crumbs and one of our own wandered in woods. Never would they wander long. We launch rescue missions here.

Sometimes, more times than we should, we launch out of our own devising. The rescue team often ends wandering lost. Frustration, pain, misunderstanding, standard responses when the wanderer and the rescue team find themselves on dark deserted roads that lead to lonely places. But this little family tossing about on a stormy night has seen it's northern star, its immovable compass, its faithful search and rescue God. Each and every time He has led them home.

So it is together, as a family that we hold the hand of our "Dad" our "Papa" our "Tim" as he feels pain and wrestles each day on this broken, spinning globe. His courage is inspiring, his desire to just "BE" in our presence let's us know we are loved, valued. We move mountains to be with him and experience that knowledge. His painful cancer is being lived to show love.

Grateful for every day, and....

*Adventures that are super scary and push me out of comfort into unknown places

*Getting Dad a Frosty

*The Man believes in my abilities, even when I'm a skeptic

*Children, motivated, striving for maturity.

*Giving up the idea of carrying on my bags and just packing what I need.

*Amazing women I get to know and dwell alongside.

*That the laptop has some life left in it.

*Knowing that no matter how it all goes that God can work through any kind of mess I make of it.