When You Know the Answer

All roads collide into one. The many lives that dwell, live, weave throughout my everyday, well, they have this tendency to merge, they take the same exit all at the same time. Birthdays fall, illness slams, jobs need, husbands travel, children require and I feel helpless to control and I can't help but think it. You think it. You're thinking it right now,
"Why?"
"Why does it all happen at once?"

I embarked on this journey, a journey to be a disciple. Many years I lived my life and didn't think too much about what it meant to be a disciple. I went my merry way. But life has this tendency to get hard, real hard. I was drowning in the dysfunction of trying to function on my merry own. I lifted my head to find I didn't look too much like a disciple of that man, Jesus Christ. So, I took a deep breath and I committed to His way, not mine. Sincerely I asked that He be glorified, not me.

On the phone to the traveling man. He's weary, I'm weary. We chat out our day and the above question comes up, the "Why all at once?" question. I just shake my head. I shake because I know the answer.

It happens all at once because right now I'm drowning in my desire for perfection, but not His perfection, not His glory but my own. If it didn't all happen at once I could take it for myself, I would take it for myself. That's what this human, arrogant nature of mine longs for. It longs to bring glory to itself and God let's all of life collide and the weight is heavy and I sink to my knees begging to trade burdens. The stubborn heart takes too long to succumb to the load. There on my knees I find a lighter load, amazingly I find a peaceful heart.

My arrogant heart is changed. I am made wise to my weakness and wise to His strength. This wisdom changes my whole outlook. This girl remembers the point of being a creation and no longer laments with her "Why" questions.