Family Stories

They love to hear the stories. They usually ask me for one as we are driving down the road and my mind is elsewhere and I am concentrating on the traffic ahead. Sometimes I'm really frustrated at their interruptions. Car time's often reflection time and a moment for quiet, unnoticed worship. Today my heart is in a worshipful place. The songs of the season bringing tears to my eyes and even the boy in the front seat is moved by the music.

In this sacred moment they asked for the story of Grammie. The way they ask, so precious, "Mom, tell us the story of OUR Grammie". She is theirs and they adore her. All her Grandchildren adore her.

Grammie is a beautiful story of God's redemption. Our Grammie, well she had an almost abandoned childhood. This most precious women was a child of divorce in that era of our country when divorce was shameful and it was a scarlet letter she wore, burning on her shoulder. The divorce was instituted by her mother and her father loved his children but felt at a loss to care for them and so he handed them over to the state. She suffered at the hands of those workers, paid good money in exchange for a child's care. But there is no substitution for a mother's love and a father's protection.

Then our Grammie, well, she met Grandfather and he loved her from the first.  He vowed to care for her all the days of his life. Grammie and Grandfather had their first baby and then they met Jesus and everything changed, they were forever changed. There was one more baby and then our Daddy was born and we are all a family. Grammie is a model of the Proverbs 31 woman. She had everything to complain about, justifiable reasons to be bitter and yet she is meek with a servants heart and together they are fierce prayer warriors in the kingdom. Grammie will tell you that God does miraculous things.

There is silence in the car. We didn't know Grammie's story started sad. We are so glad Grandfather took care of Grammie. He is like a knight. I smile because I think Grammie has said that about him too.

 

Sharing with them the stories removes the blinder. It reveal the blessings they have, earned on the back of others. As they understand Grammie and Grandfather's union and the purposeful choices of these precious folks they can truly appreciate the cornerstone that is the warm family unit they know as, The Negvesky Party of 5!

So Thankful for Grammie and Grandfather and ....

#514.
The blustery wind has ceased

#519.
Waking to piano practice of Christmas music

#520.
Finally getting to put all the rugs back (had to wait 6 weeks after the floors were refinished and the rolled rugs in the corner looked like a person standing waiting to pounce...really freaked me out)

#521.
Dad's silly antics at the Full Sail Christmas Party

#522.
Stuff your Santas in a Sack....or Santa and the eight tiny reindeer I made the kids win for me and then I had to stuff 'em all in my purse

#523.
Kids using their present of Gift Cards to shop and give gifts to others

#524.
The entire family knocking around Target and shopping for each other and trying to avoid each other so we don't see our gifts.

#525.
Actually making my Bed today

#526.
Being handed the Grocery Shopping list for our Christmas eve dinner neatly printed and organized in a Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet.

Holding onto the manger

It's the day after.
He Came.
We celebrated.
I blinked.

And my expectations were high and today there is a mess. 

Our family stretched and pulled to be changed,

morphed  into something different. 

Something set apart with eyes fixed on the babe,
gaze drawn from the glitter and lights.....

focused on the manger.

We missed the mark.

Stunned the day has passed and in the wind of today our manger has been turned upside down and....

 He is Here!

And today I clean up the abundance from our celebration,
I fight the return to the everyday,

the mundane, 

the ordinary that is only ordinary to me.

I battle the Depraved Indifference that holds a place in my heart.

My children are fed like kings in the country God chose for them,

Yet they starve because of Depraved Indifference. 

Today we embrace change in our household.

We embrace change and I go to war against Depraved Indifference

Today I return to the manger, I peek at the waxy, wrinkled skin and ask for eyes to  

SEE 

differently and a 

HEART Moved....

I rebel against comfort and on my knees declare and ask Jesus Christ, 

Jeremiah's Prayer

 (song by Summit Worship)

You are the light that shines in the dark

You are what shadows cannot comprehend

You are the one who lives in my heart 

filling me up to be poured out again.

If you change the world by changing me

Then make me whatever you want me to be

If you're lifted up when I'm on my knees

Then break me so all the world may see

Your Beauty, 

Oh Lord.

Mine is the sin that tears me in two

Mine is the pride that refuses to yield

Yours are the hands that make me anew

Yours are the words that will strengthen and heal

Break my heart with what break yours

Break my heart and make it like yours

2010 Christmas Tour

Love, love, love the Nestor's Place Tour of Homes. 

Such inspiration and beauty and creativity all at the click of a button. 

Thank you to all you wonderful folks who share their homes this Holiday Season.

What a blessing our daily devotion with Ann Voskamp's family and the wonderful gift they offered of the Jesse Tree Advent Devotional book complete with ornaments. We didn't have one tree to hold all the expectation so we feel great abundance as we load up our little trees with the lovely ornaments. 

Thank you Ann for sharing your wonderful gift. I even printed extras to give to loved ones and we are enjoying being in the same devotion this season, linked together as a true body.

Here in the home of the 'Party of 5!' holiday decor took an entirely new direction. 

Year's past Nativity Scenes have been set out. 

This year they came front and center with another love, books. 

 

This morning the man told me if we ever move 

we'll need an extra truck just for the books. 

It warmed my heart. 

I guess that's what happens when you decide to read 50 books every year.

Been collecting advent resources for a while now. I love the collection. 

Not all is in pretty book form, we also have a lot of manila folders full of wonderful print outs.

So many pretty paper nativities thanks to the folks at Creche Mania. 

I go back to their site over and over again. Many of their downloads are free.

I 

Saint Nicholas kneels to the Christ Child. He really did! 

I am loving reading William J. Bennett's Book 

The Real Saint Nicholas.

 

 A candy dish made by my oldest. Christmas is a time for beautiful pottery.

 Hand made makes my heart swell. I am surrounded by talented people. The above tree a gift from the boy and the stable below crafted from pine bark and twigs gathered on a nature walk. 

They were glued and manipulated by my precious man's strong hands 

becoming the stable for the Holy Family.

 Thank you for stopping by. If you were a human visitor I could shove a mug of cocoa spilling with marshmallow into your hands and joyfully question you, for at least a minute, so I can know you, who you are and what makes you...well You! You are a blessing and I wish you the Merriest of Christmas'. May your heart overflow with God's redeeming love.

A Present Presence

We just wanted to get the boys room cleaned. The mess had been building for weeks. It's the type of mess you shut the door to and try to ignore; the type of mess that no quick pick up will put to right. A weekend to tackle his room. It would include a fresh coat of paint and full spring cleaning of all toys, clothes etc... as well as completing several tasks left over from the original installation of boy to room.

In I went and I made it worse before it got better. In the process I pulled out an old white dresser. Years ago his dad had crafted him a heirloom bed and I had painted it a boy red, stadium red and then antiqued it to look like leather. The white dresser was a leftover from baby days and it had seen three of them. It's time had come to join the ranks of furniture for our growing boy.

In two days time that stadium red finally covered the white. High humidity and unseasonable heat meant long dry times. It's morning and I wake to a dry base. It's a freakishly warm November day and I'm sweating as I sit on the dirty garage floor. My nearest neighbor the kitchen garbage that didn't make it to the curb. I'm working diligently to transform the piece, my mind wanders through images of our growing boy playing near it, his underwear being stacked neatly in its drawer and the nicks, dings and wear it has ahead of it.  When reaching stopping points for dry time I sit on the floor admiring and imagining while inhaling scents from my unwelcome neighbor.

I'm finishing up after about an hour of work. My brushes have been cleaned, rags folded and yet I still find myself sitting indian style on the garage floor in the presence of my newest creation. It looks exactly the way I want it. I'm just enjoying being amidst its newness and beauty, I sit to admire my work and I can't help but think, "It is beautiful" and as I sit there my heart explodes as a still, small whisper breezes through my mind,

"I feel exactly the same way".

There is no denying where that whisper originates. It leaves me breathless with emotion, overwhelmed, speechless at this God...

This God,

who began a good work in me and His son came and lived here so the trinity could forever dwell and soak in the beauty and pain of His creation.

They are here amongst my sin and my selfishness and they sit and soak in the joy and whisper things like,

"Daughter, you are beautiful."

This kind of savior, what a blessing, and to know His love for me.

He is willing to dwell on a dirty earth amongst my garbage just to be in my presence.

COUNTING BREATHLESS, EMOTION FILLED MOMENTS....
#460.
Boy's laughter coming from the guest bedroom

#461.
Catching up with long time friends through quiet talks deep into the night

#462.
House bursting at the seams with people and joyful noise

#463.
Dirty floors as living proof loved feet have been here

#464.
Oreo-Newman O's blindfold taste test

#465.
A passionate hunt for Nativities

#464.
Assembly line Christmas Card making with my girlies

#467.
Baking my Mama Gee's banana bread

#468.
$6 Old Navy Polar fleece for when Florida feels like a Polar Ice Cap

#469.
An entire day at home in our P.J.s

#470.
The man and I taking turns reading aloud Dicken's A Christmas Carol

Turkey Day Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving to You and Yours!

Pie dough is resting, chocolate pudding is setting and kids are happily tucked away in the classroom coloring and creating Turkey Day crafts and I take this happy, quiet moment to offer up my weekly gratitude on the National Holiday set aside for Gratefulness.

#412.
Small boy with his tools stumbling over words to tell me how he has figured out what is wrong with the brand new electric pencil sharpener.

#413.
Kids with "The Knack".


#419.
Starbuck's limited time BOGO Holiday Drinks (I got Gingerbread Latte and he got a Peppermint Mocha)

#424.
So much worrying and planning so I pray and ask for help handing it all over and things work out orderly and all in a way I can handle.

#431.
A little boy's bear like hug in the middle of kitchen. His heart so overflowed with joy that he can barely speak. When asked if it is because of the permanent tent Mom set up in his room he can only nod yes and squeeze tighter.

#433.
Polished Cornerstones & Plants Grown up  by Pam Forester

#443.
Thai lunch just me and my man.

#444.
Holiday shopping all alone the day before Thanksgiving.

Wisdom & Knowledge

It's a full calendar work day of talking to families. It's the best job ever-hearing their stories-their heart cries and dreams for their offspring. Some feel so lost and confused. Some have charts and lists and accolades. All speak of being ill equipped. All ask, 

Is it enough?
Have we done enough?
Have I given enough?
Should I buy a new curriculum for English Composition?

I help define the goals and and understand the passion but ultimately I tell them, 

This is just my perspective, from my experience but there is a reason 

God gave this child to you, and you know them,
and you need to make the final decisions.

Sometimes they are relieved and release a sigh like I have taken the world's ideals off their shoulders.

Other times I get frustration. 

I can sense the desire to just be told what to do.

Why do we want someone to tell us?

Why is it so much easier to hand our God given rights as parents over to that 'someone' and follow their guidance when they barely know the child being led. 

Have we sold our children's soul for a Bachelor's Degree?

And the world puts its fingerprint on them from the moment they step foot in the still voluntary VPK and even those of us who choose to claim them
as children of the home
hit this haze of fog...

 What are Standardized Tests? 

And of course I need to know my child's ranking against
10,000 other children their exact age.

The unique fingerprint of God is lost under clinical terms like ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Eye Mapping. The fingerprint of the home begins to morph into a duplicate of the world.

I want my children to love Knowledge and dine often at Wisdom's Table.

Not because it will bring them honor or prestige. 

Not because they will get into the right titled university.
Not because it will make them scads of money as a such-and-such. 

But, strictly for the love of their God and a willingness to obey His commands.

Can there be any better calling?

As I have taken my eyes off the world's ideal of perfection in education
I have found my own unique fingerprint return.
As we paint, search for beauty in the woods, learn the names of botanical things, create businesses, work hard with our strong bodies, build things, decorate things, laugh and love life
I realize I never new Knowledge could be such a delightful friend
and Wisdom such a wonderful dining companion.

My children clasp hands with me and we frolic with our friends and somehow learning has happened.

Folks meet them and ask me what is my method. 

I have perfected a pithy blurb
It has to do with Classical Education
but I eventually get to the gritty truth...

That I am all over the place. 

Because....I really am....We really are.

I have these 3 beautiful creatures, uniquely formed by the Master's hand and I am on my knees regularly to understand His plan for them.... 

Asking how I can be the hands and feet to help accomplish it here. 

And on my knees I am finding my primary purpose...
To ignite a raving fire that burns long and hot for Him
To hold back the spitting, drizzle of the world that would put out the light in their eyes,
the passion, the zeal that speaks of their maker.
That makes them a shining beacon to all they meet. 

I am called to this amazing task and there is no 'someone' out there who can accomplish it better than I.
If they could I am certain God would have given my beautiful creatures to them.

Moments of Gratitude

She was so frustrated. Each year she nears adulthood finds a deeper turmoil and I remember this. I remember the frustration of wanting the keys so I could unlock all the mysteries. I remember wanting them right now. I remember struggling to understand with my still young mind why, when my body was able, would they not just give me the entire set of keys and let me in.

She did not want to obey. I kept following her through the house requiring obedience in even the smallest tasks. Her will stood firm against mine and in the battle I lost my temper and it sent hers flaring and in the midst I sent up prayers,

"Lord, please help me."

Like ice water poured on molten lava, my anger is stilled and God grants me the understanding, the words.

We stand in the kitchen, me with a wooden spoon dripping tomato sauce, her by the sink, fists clenched at her side, red faced and tears puddled in her eyes.

We begin to discuss the rocky road to womanhood. I explain that I understand, I know the frustration to be so close but so far away. She clenches her fists again and demands that I respect her, demands trust and is not pleased when I remind her,

"You must earn it."

She looks burning through her eyes such anger and tells me she cannot because of my sin.

My heart is pierced, it is something I know. I knew it the moment she was placed in my arms. I can never be all she needs to make it through this life. And my mind sends out S.O.S. to the heavens because I know the truth of my sin. Then God says give her a key. And I am given knowledge to help her hurdle my sin.

I explain she cannot justify her sin because of mine.

Eyes begin to widen.

"Mom is a sinner. Do you ever pray for me?"

Eyes are the size of saucers.

"Mom, I never thought to pray for your struggles."

The reality, my mom is real, my mom struggles and fights to get it right. In that moment we step onto common ground. There is a mutual earned respect. She offers up a twisted grin and I share experiences on my path to womanhood and the girl's heart begins to open.

"Darling, I know how hard it is to be 12. I was there once and I wanted to be an adult. I even had this exact conversation with Gamaw. So many days I wanted to laugh and then cry and then I just wanted to eat chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner." The twisted grin turns into a goofy smile and I can see in her eyes an understanding. My Mom's been here, she knows.

I wrap my arms around her and she lets me hold her and I feel honored that I get to call her mine. I am grateful that God made her and is willing to share his insight of her so that I can better love her.


#381.
Pancake Abundance

#382.
Many Hands make light the Pancake Abundance Clean up

#383.
A comment that's a testimony to our desired work ethic, "You guys don't do anything half way."

#384.
A joyful day alongside my cleaning protege tackling the mess of her bedroom and finally finishing and laying in the middle of the immaculate, completed project together soaking in the beauty of order and tidiness

#387.
Adult friends who enjoy the company of our children

#394.
Sticky Fingers Scones and particularly holiday mixes! (I really like breakfast foods!)

#395.
Home

#396.
Airport Arrival Parties

#396.
Washing the Morning after dishes with my own thoughts about the night's festivities of great fellowship, great company and being moved to prayer thanking God for all of it.

#397.
Restaurant Balloon Artists with their amazing creations and fun attitudes. When the 10 year old is asked what she wants she says, "Don't worry I can make my own." He was so intrigued that he pumped up a balloon, asked her to make an animal for him and then he proudly wore it through the restaurant proclaiming her talent. She beamed.

Getting it Right

I feel emboldened,
                      encouraged.
                                Somehow, I am free.

My obedience set me free.

I know there is little in this creation of rib and earth that is good, can do it right.

About the only thing I am capable of is obedience. 

Obedience to follow the leader I have willingly chosen; and yet, I still get that 

oh, So, Wrong. 

And so months, years ago I begged to be useful to my chosen leader.

He gave me a task,

and I grumbled because I was certain the way He used others would be better suited to me and....

He showed me the flaws in my rib and earth body and we got together to  

Get that Right.

Then I begged again to be useful and...

He assigned me another task. 

This time I cried over the pain and discomfort it would cause me and He and I got together and 

he revealed the healing that could come from sharing my still throbbing scars. 

I begrudgingly dragged my feet into obedience and found myself bathed and cleansed...

in the Process of the Task. 

Again I asked for a new task.

He saw fit to bring me full circle to a whisper in the heart of a young girl. I didn't see it at first, that this new task was a culmination of heart visions in youthen days. So, I read and read and read some more and I learned I had idols that I daily bowed to and He and I got together and...

He wrestled the Idols from Me. 

As I loosened my grip...

I watched the man I do life with's heart fill with that same youthen vision and 

we clasped hands-feeling ill prepared, slow of tongue and way too young, 

but once again, at this moment, 

He just Wanted Obedience.

So when the vision did not culminate

the way I thought it would, when my castle of sand was hit by a tidal wave... 

I thought I had heard His whisper wrong. 

My mind questioned and probed, Why did you ask this of us? 

and the Answer.....

I am not integral to His plan....

except that He adores me and will use me, inspite of the evil in me, 

because of His absolute love for me. 

This Makes Me truly free. 

I have found a blessed moment in Him 

where perfect love has cast out all fear and now I will  

Never Settle for the Imposter.

My heart thirsts for more of Him.

Where can I get enough?

I want to be consumed by His prescience

and daily life gets in the way. 

I am interrupted- even in this moment. 

I long to pour out my soul as a worship, a crown to lay at His feet. 

And, even here...

I get it all Wrong.

The last note of the music fades and...

I am quickly distracted by daily life. There will be the day when the Lord has redeemed me 

and in my perfection I will be able to offer more than this 

rotting Rib and Earth. 

My prayer for that moment is.....

I have had enough moments with Him that I may call Him beloved and 

He will know me deeply, intimately and we will laugh and rejoice 

over all He has done. 

The rotten gifts will be beautiful, and....

thanks to the sacrifice of Him, He and I will be together, forever and...

He won't have to work anymore with me 

because it will, All Be Right.

This weeks 'Best of Gratitudes'

It was hard to pick just one day. So, I'm sharing the best of the week.
Oh, What a problem to have.
I am so grateful!

#312-Hubby's silly gift 'fluffy mints'.Don'tcha just love those jokes that you just had to be there....

#317-Two Taco Tuesdays at Tijuana Flats-YUM! Two Tacos, chips and a drink for $4.99!

#327-Iced coffee on a 91 degree November day

#328-Taking a moment to catch my breath &; put all in perspective and finding God, right there, waiting for me, with His plan

#341-Knowledge that my vote really did count.

#343-Traveling man returning from the North with crispy Fall Leaves

#345-Silly boy and his newest invention the 'Plastic Spoon Banjo'

#350-Silk Leaves and Flowers that make the house feel like fall here in the sunny, green south

#351-Kids sneaking around the grocery store so they could surprise me with flowers and card. It really did make me feel better.

#357-A night of joy and laughter with friends from afar and their RV load of kids.

#368-Huge Florida Oak trees full of lacy Spanish Moss

Domino Days

The calendar's full. It had been since the close of summer. Really, I felt overjoyed at the prospect of it all; overjoyed to invite the guests in and feed them, coffee them, laugh with little ones and in my mind the windows all sparkle and floors glisten and children have neat and tidy hair.

Along comes the unexpected. A frozen air conditioning unit. The first domino in the effect. Workers cutting into sheet rock and hallways missing flooring. That's okay. I can roll and for the first round I do; and then....... the rest of the domino's fall and mis-align with my perfect ideal. I teeter on the edge....anger and frustration. I want perfection and I've learned from the multitude of my days that I'll not find it here and I am learning.....joy in the sojourn.

Romans 7:19 TNIV

My body twitches as if full of excessive coffee and my heart burns as it pumps the too thick blood through my veins. My mind reasons to embrace it all but how do I calm the frantic screaming, the reality of the unknown. I have not thought out every possible situation and I have not prepared for the un-preparable, unimaginable.

I fight a natural response to a mad emotional rant and cling to my reason. I do not want a sterile, predictable existence. Drone days.  No adventure, no spontaneity.  But why does my body rebel from the inside out when domino's fall in wrong directions?

So, the fam wildly packs up to escape the cell damaging, oil-based fumes and sends our furry beast to family #2 who loves him in our absence and in the process...

I am not kind to the man I hold dear. There is no one to blame for the mess that has become my perfect calendar, so he bears the full force of my internal battle. He responds with a gentle heart, putting the fallen pieces back into some kind of order and I am moved by his love for me and I again grasp for reason. I fall to my knees asking God to realign me when I have no control over the domino's.

On to the hardest fun ever had. Impromptu, no expectations and...to me the more challenging....no preparation. Meals out while produce goes bad in the frig. Friday morn, waving good-bye to said man, whose onto work while we live this impromptu vaca. Lonely without him we frolic and reunite later in the 'Happiest Place on Earth' where we are told by the offspring that this is our best vacation ever. The man and I shake our heads in disbelief and with deep breathes we clasp hands, choose joy and know God has been here. I was the domino moved to the path of reason and God is pleased.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man am I! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Romans 7:21-25