Confounding Question

"How Are You?"

Three little words.
They confound me.

My mind races to grasp what to say. My Dad is dying. Right now he lays in bed, eyes sunken, half lidded and we think he's already seeing glimpses of heaven. His arms reach round like holding a beach ball, extending a hug to the unseen, maybe loved ones already on the other side.

"How Are You?"

Puzzled every time I'm asked. Three little words. I assume asked in reference to this life altering event, the dying of this integral man to my life. My mind filters through files and files of memories, moments and my face is frozen as my mind reaches to respond. I am lost how to respond.

"How Are You?"

And I am suspended in thought because I am well. The whole experience is beautiful. My own mind shocks at such a response. Loosing Dad is real. For days I've done mental cartwheels to understand how my response can be such. But what brings the tears? Why do I feel so overwhelmed that my chest is about to explode with it all?

"How Are You?"

I wrestle to put my finger on the factor, what is that one factor that does me in? What leaves me wracking with tears and gasping for breath?

And then I see it.
It's Crystal clear.
This God, this creator, He keeps showing up. In a million tiny ways He keeps showing up to care and provide. And not just for me but for my children, my brother, our neighbors and I watch as this God gently loves The Man, tenderly cradles my broken Mom and this kind of love, it does me in.

I am in the midst of loss and the creator of the whole world keeps stepping in and caring for all these little people experiencing this loss.
It is overwhelming.
It is beautiful.
It is breathtaking.

This God, who gave His Son so I can dwell with my Dad on the other side. This swells in my chest and creates sobbing, wrenching tears. How can a being love me so much? How can he give so much so I can have so much? He just never stops giving.

"How Are You?"

It's Ash Wednesday and the reality of mortality is nose to nose. So, I'm loading up my babies and we're heading to church to worship this amazing God. It's the least I can do as He carries me through this hard, hard life. I am honored to do it.

"How Are you?"

And now I ask my question of you. You see, I'll be there one day. I'll be reaching arms to hug Dad on the other side. I'll rejoice as I enter God's gates. I'll worship at God's feet holding tight to Dad's hand. Yes, that's going to happen one day.

Will you be there with me?

So, really, "How are you?"

Think on that question, the one that has confounded me for days, but first scroll to the bottom, pause the music then press play on the video and join me in processing the question:

Dark to Light

Here it is all celebration save one event. There is one area where we hold back, one area where we stand in darkness anticipating light. I breath shallow in expectation.

We made an Alleluia banner. Alleluia, it's the song of heaven. It's been nearly 40 days since we took that song and buried it. It lies on the front table beneath a cloak of black. Its stand awaiting the resurrection, awaiting Easter morn. The symbolism pierces deeply. A black scar in the springtime decor. It mars.

40 days walking past, mourning its absence, the beauty of the song. Mourning because it's loveliness, it lies there buried black, while the bounty of spring burst forth across our world.  I have walked these 40 Days my heart longing to know him better, for sight to SEE the sacrifice.

I grew up in the church. It has always been there, the egg hunts and colorful dresses, sweet white gloved youths with their ribboned hats, post church feasts on tables set dazzling, baskets spilling over with sweetness. The yearlyness of it all lost on this often blind soul.

This year, THIS YEAR, I would be transformed. I would see with new eyes. I would deprive myself, bury the song of heaven, immerse myself in the dark to truly see the light.

God, well he gladly met me here. In my darkened state he softened my heart and adjusted the perscription of my glasses.

 And this, Christ, is the stunning irony:

    that their evil was made good in you! You knew our nature as children of wrath; you knew      exactly how we would choose; you put yourself in harm's way that our sin might kill you, that your death might redeem us even from our sinful nature!

    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, and I grow dizzy thinking about it. All that I can say with certainty, but with everlasting gratitude, is --

Amen.

~Reliving the Passion by Walter Wangerin Jr.

Mardi Gras Parade

Today, Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday, we celebrated with a party and we learned all about the Lenten Season. We called  it a school day. I did a lot of research and found some wonderful resources that made our event a School Day Success. Everyone went home with daily activity sheets leading us to the Cross.

Arts and Crafts For Lent by Jeanne Heiberg,

What We Do in Lent by Anne E. Kitch

Phyllis Hoffman Celebrate Winter

 

We decorated our abode. I still can't find the significance of Mardi Gras traditional Purple, Green and Gold but it makes for beautiful decorations.

Even The Beast got Tricked out for Fat Tuesday. He looked Gangsta with his big Crown Charm. He's really a beast, all 18 inches and 6 pounds of him.

We baked a King Cake. It created quite a creepy sight in my oven as our babies tried to escape.

 The Boy loved the King Cake Babies. He turned them into tops and had the babies wrestle each other.

Polish celebrate Fat Tuesday with a Paczki and how delighted was I when I found a big display of them at our grocery store. Then, of course, we ate our King Cake. YUM!

  

Alleluia Banners

Alleluia, from the Hebrew word Hal-e-lu-Yah, meaning 'Praise Yaweh'. Allelulia is  'The Song of Heaven'. We created Alleluia Banners and will bury them tomorrow, Ash Wednesday, where they will remain until Easter Sunday.

 

Each Family made their own banner. Burying the Alleluia for 40 Days is a symbolic way to remind us that without His sacrifice we would never participate in the 'Song of Heaven'. 

Each family will Resurrect the Alleluia on Easter Sunday. 

We will wake up and sing  the 'Song of Heaven' with our Alleluias.

Gamaw and Papa never miss a party.

A few more shots of our Mardi Gras decor.

Now on to 40 Days of Lent. I'm ready to draw near God, excited to prepare my heart for the overwhelming reality of His love given on that Beautiful, Scandalous Night.